- Awoke with a gushing nosebleed - thought I'd struck oil, or something
- Stepped on cat's tail as he was herding me away from the bathroom and toward his food dish. Serves him right that I dripped blood all over his head. After five or so minutes, nose stops bleeding. Cleaned up all the red drips. Fed the cat.
- Couldn't find my glasses, but didn't need them to fix tea and breakfast, so didn't worry about it.
- Sat at computer desk to eat (probably not a good idea) my breakfast of dippy eggs and toast soldiers. Noticed that a large-ish crumb of toast had landed on the keyboard. Thank goodness there was no egg on it. Picked it up and dropped it onto my plate, to be brushed into trash with other crumbs after I finished. It rolled over a couple of times...then unfolded its legs and tried to scurry away. Did I mention I couldn't find my glasses? When the leg count reached seven, I freaked. Glasses or no glasses, I knew it was a SPIDER!!!! Hopped up, screeching "Get away! Get away!"
- Startled the cat, who (unbeknownst to me) was stretched out behind my chair. In my haste to get away from the SPIDER, I rolled the desk chair across the cat's paw. He bit my left big toe in self defense. More of a warning bite, really. Didn't draw blood. Spilled my tea all over him and my jammies. He ran into the living room, I think. Found him in the chimney.
- Spent the next fifteen minutes trying to coax the cat down from the chimney ledge, my body wedged between the fireplace wall and the fire dog which toppled over when my butt hit it. Note to self: gotta lose a few pounds before I try this again.
- Cat tires of my attempts to smooth things over and leaps down, using my head as a step to the floor. Right behind him, a soot-covered mummified bird falls from the ledge into my lap. Yuck.
- Nose starts to bleed again. My once white t-shirt is now dotted with bright red blood and streaked with soot from the bird mummy. I crawl out of the fireplace, trying not to touch any of the furniture. Ran to the bathroom for a tissue to shove up my nose. I look like I've been mugged on my way home from Hell.
- I found my glasses. They were on the keyboard, at the dark end, away from the lamp.
- The SPIDER was sitting on them.
So, how has your day been so far?
PS: Why the picture of tomatoes, you ask? I was going to blog about making soup today, using Plutarch's recipe, but I got sidetracked.
(c) 2009 Martha McLemore
14 comments:
I thought my story about falling into the river in Scotland was a good one but yours is going to take some beating. I suppose it wasn't funny for you but it certainly had me laughing.
Sir Hugh: Parts of it were funny at the time, but not the bit about the spider, and the bird. If entry into heaven requires my loving all of God's creatures, then I am doomed to Hell, for I cannot abide SPIDERS...(shudder, shudder)
Glad I could bring laughter to you.
:D
"All things dark and dangerous, all creatures short and squat"
- Monty Python
This should be a novel...or at least a country and western song.
I recall having a day like this not so long ago and you gave me the sage advice to go back to bed...! ;-)
Sounds like things are finally better in your life. Good for you. I read the cat's blog, he has some issues.
Peace.
But all the time rubbing your hands together and saying to yourself: "This'll post well." Sorry about the Louise Bourgeois link that led you to the terrible spider (which I have walked under). I need to set a spider filter on future recommendations. With Mrs BB it's cockroaches. Me? I've eaten caramelised grasshoppers (v. disappointing) and am therefore inoculated against insects.
Spiders arent insects.
so Barrett isn't safe, it's just an illusion.
I love the story, with such a start to the day, it just has to get better ... doesn't it?
Forget everything else, that is a gorgeous piece of comic writing. It deserves to be published for posterity and widely to be distributed to the world's moaners and whiners to direct their minds to sublime disorder as a cure for sorrow. You did much better being side tracked order to produce it than to make a mere soup.
Wow! What a morning! I would have been tempted to go back to bed and start over...
What a way to start the day, Sofie one crow. I think I would have gone back to bed! But that soup sounds good...
Poor cat. Poor you.
And the spider and bird, too. I'll mind for them so you don't have to.
We had to delay surgery last week because our surgeon had an intractable nosebleed.
Wayy too funny for reading on a Saturday morning whilst drinking my tea.
BTW, I loathe snakes. Spiders and I have a detente, but with snakes, it's all out Armageddon.
I agree with the country song... but maybe rhythm & blues is more like it??
so well done, though... the visual is great..especially the soot and tissue hanging out the nose visual
hopefully the day got better from then on....
hugs to you :)
Hello, everyone:
My apologies for not responding sooner. I've been working overtime getting our files in perfect order for a second audit at the historical society and came home too pooped to pop, or do much else.
Art Sparker: Had to chuckle when I read your comments, especially the Monty Python quote. I fall into the short and squat category, myself.
Dear Steve: How generous of you to stop here, considering the sadness at your house today. Yes, I did think of you and your horrendous day when I posted this. I thought if anyone would understand, it would be you.
Spadoman: The cat lies!
BB: Only when I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror, the ever-reddening tissue dangling like a battlefield surrender flag from my nostril, did I laugh and tell myself the misadventure might be funny for others to read. Before that, I had my hands to full to rub them together. I share Mrs. BB's abhorrence of cockroaches, too. Fortunately (?), there are too many SPIDERS living here for cockroaches to ever have a chance.
Echo: How nice of you to visit. Yes, the day could (and did) only improve from that point on.
Plutarch: That is high praise which I will treasure. I am glad you enjoyed reading it. I did make soup, not exactly like yours, but inspired by it. My version was tasty enough to eat.
e and Deedee: I considered returning to bed, to heed advice I had blithely handed out to Steve a few days before. Then I started laughing and there was no need to start over.
Dear Zhoen: Poor cat is right. I, at least, can laugh about what happened, but he now has another thing that goes bump in the night for him. He is such a sweet little buddy, and I do feel bad for the chair over his paw. We have made up, though. I think.
Hello, Jim: Right there with you about snakes, most especially water moccasins. They ain't afraid of nuthin' and no-body, brother! They'd as soon bite their Mama as not, so I try to avoid all places they might visit.
Harlequin: Yes, blues, especially Delta blues, could work wonders with this. I can feel the rocking rhythm in my bones even as I type. Yes, ma'am. The day was good. Sorry about the lingering tissue-up-the-nose visual. (Guess you'd rather not know about the leech-like clot that attached itself to the tissue, adding the coup-de-grace of the morning?)
:)
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