In the meantime, my nemesis, the Octopus, slithered up from the deep and grabbed me by the ankle. I've been battling it ever since the last post. I think I'm winning. I hope I'm winning. My therapist voiced concern the last time I slipped into serious depression that if I didn't do something to treat it, she was worried it might become a permanent state of mind. She suggested medications. I suggested she keep them.
I've been fighting the Octopus for nearly 60 years. In the last cycle of serious depression, almost two years ago, I thought Octopus was going to win. I almost gave up, so strong was its siren call. The winter of 2011-2012 was particularly hard financially. I couldn't heat my home properly, couldn't pay for medications or food and my worklife was beyond dismal - bordering on abusive.
But I didn't give in. I'm still here. But I was scared. That's when I remembered the Book of Five Rings, written by Japanese swordsman Miyamoto Musashi sometime in the mid-1600s. I read it about 20-25 years ago and was fascinated with it. I don't remember all the lessons, but enough of it stuck that I approached my battles with Octopus from the warrior's perspective. I studied the Octopus, learning its tells when it is about to attack. Having survived that winter, I paid attention to the survival lessons I'd learned. Last winter, I was prepared for deprivation. I was prepared for the Octopus and I defeated the rascal at every turn. Not saying it was easy, but every time I turned Octopus back, I grew stronger emotionally; more confident.
Then illness struck and I was knocked off balance. Octopus saw its opportunity and took advantage of my being distracted. We've been in an ongoing tug-of-war for my soul since this Spring. Thus far, it is a tie, but I am edging ahead.
My sub-conscious finally told be what to do with the blob above. This is Octopus, my nemesis.
