Reggae Requeim

(Sung to the tune of Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff.")

I killed the toaster, but I did not touch the microwave.

Yeah, I killed the toaster, but I didn't touch the microwave.



While brewing up my favorite roast,

The acrid smell of burning toast

Filled my nose and burned my throat.

Toaster needs to be cleaned, I made note:

Yeah, man, needs to be cleaned, make note.

I say:



I killed the toaster, but I did not touch the microwave.

Yeah, I killed the toaster, but did not touch the microwave.



It seemed a simple job to do

Just loosen a screw or two,

But nothing ever works out that way;

Not for me, and not today.

Oh, not for me, not this day!

I said:



I killed the toaster, but I did not touch the microwave.

Yeah, I killed the toaster, but did not touch the microwave.



With screwdriver in my hand

Toaster's compliance I did demand;

I was met with steely defiance.

Now it's another dead appliance.

Just another dead appliance.

I say:



I killed the toaster, but I did not touch the microwave.

Yeah, I killed the toaster, but did not touch the microwave.



All I wanted to do was clean it;

Now it's dead - I didn't mean it.

Can't find all the screws I broke out.

I have looked for them all about.

The cats scattered them, no doubt.

Listen to me now:



I killed the toaster, but I did not touch the microwave.

Yeah, I killed the toaster, but did not touch the microwave.



Parts are on the counter in a heap;

I bet I'll see them in my sleep,

Dancing all around the room

By the light of the waning moon.

Reggae toaster in my room.

I say:



I killed the toaster, but I did not touch the microwave.

Yeah, I killed the toaster, but did not touch the microwave.



Should have left the crumbs on the trays;

They'd been there for several days.

Didn't care 'til they started to burn.

What lesson from this must I learn?

Don't force a screw that won't turn.

Oh, yeah:



I killed the toaster, but I have not touched the microwave.

Yeah, I killed the toaster, but have not touched the microwave...

-

...yet.

Photo of dead toaster (c) Martha McLemore, November 2008.