"Bipolar" by Martha McLemoreI have a thing for masks, their symbolism and their function in ancient cultures. We all use masks, though mostly of the psychological kind these days.
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My blog is a mask. It allows me to wander through cyberspace in a variety of 'faces', none of which expose the woman inside. What troubles me, at times, is that I see the mask and confuse it for the real me. I become lost in the mask.
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This painting is based on an antique African mask. I painted it last summer in response to the frightening experience my grandson Donovan had with medication given to treat him for bipolar disorder, an illness he does not have. The day he was diagnosed (misdiagnosed, actually), I went online to find what I could about the disorder. While Donovan was exhibiting some of the symptoms and behaviors associated with the illness, they were symptoms in common with other illnesses he might have had, as well. He had a dangerous adverse reaction to the lithium he was given and came close to lapsing into kidney failure and a coma. I was halfway through with the painting when we were told he wasn't bipolar, after all.
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I imagine the painting is more reflective of my anger and frustration with the inaccuracies of modern medicine than it is of what people with bipolar disorder experience.
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The African mask I used as inspiration for the painting shows the face in life and in death. The cool colors and the slackness of the one side are in strong contrast to the overly animated, warm colors on the other side. If you cover half of the face at a time, you see one aspect - "face" - of the disease. The colors are bright, garish, wild, depressive, over-the-top and disengaged, all at once.
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I saw a movie with Olivia de Havilland called "The Snakepit," about a woman's descent into madness and the treatment she received at a mental facility. I fear snakes, terribly, which is why the movie made such an impression on me when I was 13 or 14. I was thinking of that movie while I was painting the background around the mask. I had started painting flames, to suggest a descent into hell, but I liked these colors better.
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I think it is finished. It is, for now, anyway. I don't paint because I think I'm any good at it, but because it releases something in me that writing cannot. I started another mask painting, but when my daughter's world fell apart and she moved in with me, at the same time Donovan was admitted to the hospital where he now resides, I put all painting aside. I'll pick it up again sometime.
(c) 2009 Martha McLemore. Painting, "Bipolar" (c) 2008 Martha McLemore
14 comments:
Your blog is a secret treasure Martha! I want to meet you and have a cuppa and a chat, and but for a sea or two and a mile or two that's what I'd try to do.
Love the concept that you are a crow observing the world. Love your poem and your bi-polar inspired mask sends me goosy. I know how you feel about mental health and its treatment.
Thanks for visiting 70 Plus and Still Kicking.
I reckon we'll visit some more.
oh you should pick it up again soon... art is such a healer and teacher... when we see our inner emotions outside our 'self', we can understand more... we can know them... we can grow out of them...
this painting really illustrates that frustration...
regarding medicine, i really believe in Homeopathy's philosophy...
what you said about masks is so true...
a question resides permanently on my mind:
when will you put up a post with this name?
"the crow unmasked"
That is an incredibly powerful image very skilfully rendered. I don't use that kind of hyperbole lightly but I can tell from your explanation you were in desperate straits at the time. I hope young Donovan is better now or did I misunderstand when you said he was still hospitalized?
Your crow poem is also filled with wonderful imagery.
Martha this painting expresses very well what you were thinking and feeling when you were concerned for your grandson. I think it is very well done. While I am not bipolar, I have a friend who is and it illustrates very well to me my impression of what the disease is like. The highs and lows, the depression, the mood swings, the confusion--all of that comes through here. I can see why painting can be a release for you because it definitely lets you express yourself well. Enjoy your weekend! :)
i saw my comment in my mail and thought it was a bit ambiguous...
the last question is addressed to ME...
:)
June:
I would love to have a cuppa with you. My favorite is Formosa oolong.
I have tried to put the fires in your area into terms I could understand and appreciate. That means that most of my town and the neighboring county would have burned close to the ground by now. All the farms, schools, hospitals and businesses to the north and west of us would be affected. Gettysburg would lose most of its tourist attractions and probably all of its fruit growing orchards.
Truth is, I cannot imagine what you are experiencing; it is unfathomable. My heart goes out to you all.
I visited your blog because of its title, but I follow you because of what you have to say. See you soon, so to speak.
Martha
Hello, again, HB:
I have begun dabbling again, though not painting yet. Hope to get back to it soon.
You've posed an interesting question, regarding "the crow unmasked." I don't know if I can unmask after so many years of wearing one. What if I remove the mask and there is no one behind it?
Or worse: what if I cannot live with the person revealed?
Susan:
Donovan is in a residential treatment facility and is doing better every day. He will continue to need therapy and coaching for quite a long time, but we are hopeful he will eventually be able to live independently. He is highly intelligent, as many of the kids with Aspergers and similar developmental illnesses are. The trickiness of all this is integrating his intelligence with the emotional and physical changes he's making. He's a good kid and we have great hopes for him.
Thank you for yor kindness.
Martha
Thank you, Daisy.
The painting exaggerates the physical form (as did the original African mask) as an expression of my understanding of the sometimes wild fluctuations in mood and behavior many folks experience with this illness. What they must go through in living with manic-depression.
It is an unpleasant depiction of an unpleasant disease.
HB: I'm glad you posted your question, even if it was meant for you, because it has caused me to think about the whole masking thing I've done all my life.
First, thank you for coming to visit my blog today. And do come again.
This painting is phenomenal. (I hope that's spelt close to right) Wow! Such feelings it emotes, screams out, I feel the pain. And it is beautiful all at the same time. Wow.
My heart goes out to you all including Donavon. Such a pisser to be miss-diagnoised, and wrongly medicated. Scary for me as I am in this profession, and it's why I always send out for 2nd opinions to someone with a higher degree than mine, but even they make mistakes sometimes.
It's not a perfect science. Thanks for sharing all this.
I bet your personal mask isn't masking as much as you think it is. ;-) Just a guess.
Lynn:
The practice of medicine is an art, rather than pure science and, like any human endeavor, is fraught with error. We are fortunate this error ended happily.
That said, I couldn't be a doctor. Not for lack of intelligence or compassion, but because I make too many mistakes in my life as it is. I wouldn't know how to live with myself if I made a mistake with someone else's life.
I have admiration and respect for those in the medical profession, for that reason, among others.
Sure did enjoy your road trip post. I want to become a wanderer, a dream from childhood when I wanted to travel around the world in a balloon.
Martha
or masks tell a lot about the one beneath...
your crow mask is hiding a sparkling soul there...
:)
HAH! My daughter teases me about the way I sometimes bounce from one interest to another in rapid succession. She says I'm chasing sparklies!
If there is anything to reincarnation, I hope I come back as a crow. There is much to admire about crows.
Martha
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