Someday I will write about Rachel and Lydia, who were brought into this world the same day and time that I was, through the generosity and long struggle of my mother's body.
I made it to what would have been our 74th birthday today. They didn't, having been removed last month. I don't even know what happened to their bodies, but am ambivalent about their loss. Phantom pains from where they were make me groan in pain and tears flow in sadness for a few seconds. The weirdest thing about that is I reach out to comfort them only to pull away in shock when I realize there is nothing there anymore.
Well, nothing but sixty-seven metal staples and red, angry wound borders.
So it goes.
8 comments:
Ah, my condolences on losing such intimate parts of the body.
I can't quite imagine, though one day I might need to do such a thing...
(I even felt some sense of loss after a molar tooth was pulled this year!)
I am so glad to see you here, Crow.
You are such a thoughtful blogger and good writer--I have missed your voice.
Please write more (of course only IF YOU WANT!).
Sending love, and farewell to Rachel and Lydia.
Heal well, friend.
Hey
I hope your recover progresses, extensive wounds can take some time to heal esp. at 'our' age, as I well know. Do take it easy.
Mike
I’m sorry for the pain and the feeling of loss, Martha.
First, thank you all for your thoughtfulness.
I feel I owe you an apology for giving in to self-pity. I have managed to keep a hold on that fairly well but I was thinking about the girls and how long they been a part of my life. I realized I've had them for as long as I've been around, they just didn't show up until I was almost thirteen.
Sunday was a day of reflection on my life to date (every birthday is for me) and I slipped into the Well of Regrets and Remorse without notice and wrote that post without adequate reconsideration. I think reality finally smacked me upside the back of my head and fear took over for a couple of hours There have been some setbacks since the initial surgery and so much to learn about triple-negative breast cancer, its prognosis and so on; I was momentarily overwhelmed by it all.
I'm getting back on track, though. Thanks, again.
I, for one, thank you for speaking openly of your grief and fear---it actually helps me to hear other people express their vulnerabilities--makes me feel less alone!
I don't have cancer (yet?), but plenty of concerns, and more to come--we all do, eh?
So, no apologies needed for being human!
Happy Birthday!
Sorry about the setbacks---glad you're getting back on track.
You are a champion!!!
Hey Martha
Just checked my dusty blog, saw you had left a comment. Hope you're well, I'm doing ok. Not sure if I'm going to post more frequently, was prompted by phantsythat's return after almost three years.
Take care,
Mike
Mike:
I saw a notice that you had posted a comment and mentioned the Crow in it. I was delighted to see you again, but misunderstood the message was for Susan and her friend Crow, which is why I deleted my comment.
I try not to write too often about my cancer; fear I might be boring the pants off those who aren't going through it. Obviously, though, I'm still here (yippee!).
Hope you will post more often; cheers me immeasurably to read your posts and to know you are doing okay, too!
As always,
Martha
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