Some years ago, so many that I can’t even remember how long ago, I bought Karen Elizabeth Gordon’s book, The Transitive Vampire, more for the title than for the content. I was looking for a book on grammar, having doodled my way through that section in grade school, as some of my writing clearly shows. I knew, even then, if I hoped to make it as a writer, I was going to have to clean up my grammatical act. Gordon’s clever title caught my eye, and my sense of fun—something I don’t normally associate with learning grammar (or algebra, either). Buying her book turned out to be a good investment. As so often happens to valuables in my household, though, I have misplaced my Vampire. It probably isn’t lost, but I can’t easily put my hands on it, now that I have decided to get serious about writing—for profit, I mean. Fun doesn’t put food on the table or gas in the Jimmy.
Whilst out running errands for the historical society this morning, I found something almost as good as the Vampire, though nowhere near as entertaining. The big-box office supply store in town is gearing up for the return to school, with all kinds of things on sale, such as the laminated, bi-fold, four-page quick study guide to English Grammar & Punctuation (the ampersand is theirs) that I brought home.
In college English classes, my papers were continually marked down because of my misuse of commas, so that section of this guide will be worth at least half of what I paid for it. The section titled “End Punctuation” shows the proper use of exclamation points; “No cigars! Put that out now!” However, the section on commas doesn’t say if I should have set off the title listed in the last sentence with commas, something I seem to remember being told to do in Eng. Comp: 101.
So, this afternoon, while the thunder crashes and the lightning flashes their way through town, I’m going to read this dry-as-a-bone, humorless guide, in hopes of learning what I should have paid attention to in grammar school (pun intended). It ain’t my funny Vampire, but it will do.
11 comments:
Phil Plasma seems to be creating a bit of income for himself here.
http://hubpages.com/
Any day when I learn something is worthwhile. I wish my son would take the time to learn more about how to use commas and such. :-)
Good luck with your reading. Have a nice weekend!
Oh my, great minds and all that. I'm reading through Grammar Girl's latest thing. Mostly if you listened in high school, or maybe even in college, you're already golden by her measure, but still, now and again, I hit an unexpected snag, something she mentions that I missed along the way.
Or, OR, Or...
You take a page from Faulkner. Write you some sentences that defy English grammarians across the globe.
I prefer the latter.
Zhoen: I've bookmarked the site and will return there shortly. Thank you for the pointer.
Daisy: I agree about the value of continuing to learn. Your son may borrow my grammar guide, if he likes (but I'm thinking he probably wouldn't like?).
Jim: Nothing would please me more than to channel the Great One. My favorite of his stories is "As I Lay Dying." Well, one of my favorites, to be honest. “A Rose for Emily” is as haunting to me as is Poe’s “Tell-Tale Heart.” I like his line, in describing one of the Snopes men (whose name I can’t recall just now): “…(whatshisname) is a different kind of Snopes like a cotton-mouth is a different kind of snake.” Lord, I wish I had written that.
it's on my bookshelf.... and i've loved using it for years.
you'll like it!
cheers
I know the feeling. I too have misplaced my vampire many a time. May I recommend Eats, Shoots & Leaves - The Zero Tolererance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss. It is entertaining and deadly serious.
Grammar and punctuation seem no longer to be taught in most of our UK schools.This seems to be cumulative in that today's teachers were never taught the subject. Guess that is how language "evolves" though. Today's teenagers communicate by "text speak" rather than the language of the King James Bible, but magnificence is lost.
"thus passeth the glory of the world" has become, "it's all gone tits-up"
Commas: the rule of thumb. Rarely is anyone penalised for an insufficiency of commas. Most would improve their score if they left out commas altogether. If in doubt, leave out.
One option is to write in short sentences as if each word cost a buck. See above: 46 words and only one comma. And a real writer would leave out that one too.
Harlequin - I enjoyed reading through it when I first bought it, but haven't used it much since. I'm sure it's around here somewhere.
Plutarch - I have added her book to my Amazon wish list. Thank you for the suggestion.
Avus - I don't know if grammar and punctuation are still taught in our primary level schools or not, but I'm guessing not because of the college level remedial English courses offered at so many institutions. While I certainly lament the loss of magnificence in our language, I have to laugh at that last expression.
BB - Hemingway, whose sentences I sometimes have to go through twice to be certain of his meaning, said that we must know the rules (of punctuation) before we can break them. I'm not confident I know them well enough to ignore them just yet. In Woody Allen's new movie, "Midnight in Paris," there is a wonderful parody of Hemingway, at least I think it's a parody. Allen has him speaking the way he wrote - too funny.
My literary daughter told me one day that my use of commas was comical. I took that to heart and began leaving them out when I remember. I am glad to see that this policy is endorsed by BB who certainly knows what he is talking about.
For me the comma problem pales before my genetic spelling disability. However, that difficulty is largely solved these days by the spell check. Some bloggers don't have a spell check on the comment box, and then I am in trouble. I either have to struggle with a heavy dictionary or think of a substitute word I can spell.
When I began work as a proofreader (a job I was not truly qualified for), I admitted to the managing editor that I wasn't really sure how to use commas.
She replied, "Don't worry, no one else is either. Just choose one way and be consistent."
Good advice, and I agree with BB's choice: when in doubt, leave it out.
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